Number My Days- A Word That Sustains
by Becky Baker
That was my first response when Pastor Joe and Steph shared with me that they would be stepping down as Senior Pastors at Fellowship. Not the most spiritual response, but an honest one for sure!
I counted the reasons for my response as valid! Having worked closely with Pastor Joe for the past 17 years, I was already counting the loss of partnering in gospel vision. Believing in what he has uniquely been calling us to - a life of flourishing in Up (with God), In (with community), Out (in the world) and Down (our emotional health), I knew there was more vision to grasp and progress to be made.
Watching Joe’s faithful leadership through the most tumultuous times in our cultures’ life I was stuck in “who else can do that?”
So, "Uh, no!" seemed like the best response.
I stayed there for a while, wondering if I really wanted to take this ride of another transition, learn to follow a new leader and help the FMC body navigate a change- a loss I didn't even want to help myself navigate. But as the Lord does, in His faithfulness, He reminded me of some truths He had been teaching me the year prior! Oh, great is the Lord!
His reminder came from of Psalm 90:12.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
I started considering that likely 100 years after my death, no one will mention my name and the stories of who I am won't be told. It's a sobering thought - we so often strive to be important, to be remembered- but this reality started to crystalize…I'm not really that important.
Now, before those who love me start to try to convince me of my value, of my uniqueness, of my worth - I'm not talking about that. (and thank you!). It's just I was starting to consider that this life given to me is actually not about me! It is a life given that I might reflect the CREATOR!
And then the Lord took me to this passage - Teach me to number my days that I might grow a heart of wisdom.
Numbering my days, what exactly did that mean? Penned by Moses, Psalm 90 reminded(s) me of the frailty of life that indeed life is short! Our days are numbered and will come to an end. And the Scripture was saying that somehow this numbering of days would lead to wisdom. The Lord began to teach me that this wisdom was connected to my life reflecting His.
As I was beginning to wrestle with this, Covid hit! What an opportunity for the Lord to teach me to number my days. And teach He did! First it was through the isolation that Covid brought.
Living alone isn’t always easy for me, but add to that the reality of not being with folks in any context. Anxiety would start to creep in and then I’d be reminded of my numbered days. This trust in the truth that God is in charge of my days invited me to trust Him for what the day would hold. And if God had given me this day – I wanted to use it fully for His glory.
And these learnings are what I come back to as I think about my dear friends Joe and Steph not serving at FMC anymore. I come back to my numbered days and I count them. And I rest in knowing that as I stay present in the day God has given me, I’m at peace. God has an assignment for me and I don’t want to miss it! The wisdom of knowing my days are numbered keeps me engaged in what God is doing now!
And so, I wonder, what about you? Where is anxiety hitting you regarding this transition? Or where might God be inviting you to use this day that’s numbered to reveal more of Him? Is there a way you can stay in today by asking God for a way to serve, a place to show up or a gift you can use? Our days are numbered friends! So let’s allow God to grow us hearts of wisdom.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your fears, and your message of peace. We each felt many of those same feelings. Your scripture brings peace to me also. I think this writing affirms how important it is for us to share God's words and guidance by way of scripture.
I appreciate all you do. You are so giving and attuned to the needs of others. You are a true servant of God.